SHAPE-SHIFTING SYLLABLES

Prompt 27 – SHAPE-SHIFTING SYLLABLES

The alliteration in this title was irresistible. The topic is, more accurately, adjusting words to fit syllable limits. For this prompt, I will write and play with a few lines and attempt to say the same thing in a different number of syllables. When a strong 5 syllable line needs to be moved to the middle of the haiku, it likely needs to become a 7 syllable line; therefore it needs to be expanded. This is a part of the creative process whether writing haiku from scratch or rewriting one I think is complete.

My first version of the poem is one I am happy with, but I am going to change it to see if I can make it better. I will rewrite each line, at least once, using a different number of syllables:

My original haiku (with syllable counts at the end of each line):

Fallen clumps of hair (5)

Cat fight between twin sisters (7)

The man didn’t know. (5)

© 2021 Cheryl L. Crockett

Revising Line 1:

(a)    Fallen fistfuls of hair (6)

(b)    Hair falls in fistfuls (5)

(c)     Clumps of hair ripped from their heads (7)

(d)    Hair falls to the floor (5)

Revising Line 2:

(a)    Feuding girls retreat (5)

(b)    Angry sisters stop fighting (7)

(c)     Fighting women rest (5)

(d)    Feuding women pause (5)

Revising Line 3:

(a)    The man didn’t have a clue (7)

(b)    An oblivious suitor (7)

(c)     Their clueless suitor (5)

(d)    He was not worth it (5)

Note the synonyms “clueless” (2) and “oblivious” (4).

Now that I have written multiple new lines for each line of my haiku, I can mix and match lines to create many new versions of this poem.

Revised Haiku – Version 1a

1b -  Hair falls in fistfuls (5)

3a -   The man didn’t have a clue (7)

2c -   Fighting women rest (5)

        Version 1b - with lines in a different order

            2c -   Fighting women rest (5)

            3a -   The man didn’t have a clue (7)

            1b -  Hair falls in fistfuls (5)

 

Revised Haiku – Version 2

2d -   Feuding women pause (5)

1c -   Clumps of hair ripped from their heads (7)

3c -   Their clueless suitor (5)

 

Revised Haiku – Version 3a

1d -   Hair falls to the floor (5)

2b -   Angry sisters stop fighting (7)

3d -   He was not worth it (5)

    Version 3a - with lines in a different order

          3d -   He was not worth it (5)

          2b -   Angry sisters stop fighting (7)

          1d -   Hair falls to the floor (5)

I hope this insight into my creative process, transcribed in real-time, on February 28, 2021, is helpful.

© 2021 Cheryl L. Crockett